The Journal of Michael O'Shane

Authors Note: A lot has happened over the last few months, some things that have been touched on in detail and others that have transpired behind closed doors. The purpose of these ’spotlights’ is to allow our characters to summarize their current thoughts and feelings. This is Robin’s.

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Ireland is breathtaking. As I write this, I am sitting on the steps of my small cottage in Kilkenny, with Lily inside already on her phone. We arrived in Kilkenny from Dublin only last evening, and already it seems like plans are in motion. I couldn’t be happier about them either.

My cottage is exactly as it sounds – a small residence on the outskirts of town with an acre of land and the barest of essentials inside. I purchased it after Peter and I parted ways twenty-two years ago, intending to live out a substantial amount of time here buried in books and research. I had so many plans. Learning a few additional languages. Taking short trips to try out my linguistic skills and document the cultures I was learning about. Maybe even working on a book or two, or translating some old texts for my own amusement. When Peter showed up on my doorstep six years later, it disrupted my plans and since then, things have never been the same.

In the past year, I have fallen in love three times. First with Lily, then with Lydia, and most recently, with Victor. Well, most recently isn’t exactly correct because Victor and I have had affection for each other for a while, it’s just been a recent development between us that this affection has transcended brotherly into something more. I haven’t had a chance to plumb its depths; I left for Philadelphia with Lily and Lydia before I could even admit this to Victor, before I even realized things had changed between us. It wasn’t until the next evening, when our last encounter remained such a consuming, pervasive thought, that I spoke to him on the phone and recognized the part of me which had given itself over to him.

It is the three of them who are most on my thoughts as I sit here right now.

Victor lingers in my mind. I miss Lydia. Lily and I had a splendid time in Dublin and I had the chance to show her the old pubs and neighborhoods where I’d gotten into trouble while at university. At one distinct point, though, I saw a girl who reminded me of Lydia and felt deeply saddened she wasn’t there with us. I understand why she stayed in Philadelphia and am happy for her in that she’s found something worth pursuing with Charles there. I simply became spoiled by how ‘accessible’ she has been since returning from Seattle.

That has been the problem, though, hasn’t it? She is there for our convenience, when we remember she is there. I flog myself so many times when I catch myself taking her for granted and maybe I am being too hard on myself right now, but after our discussion in Philadelphia, I’ve realized how little we’ve encouraged her to find what makes her happy. I know why we do it. She is so quiet and oftentimes so content to linger in the background. I wish we would think more to encourage my darling butterfly to spread her wings, though.

She is to me what I know John is to Lily. And without her here, I’ve found myself realizing how much the family as a whole means to me.

Lily, Lydia, and Victor, well those are obvious because they each hold a portion of my heart. But even John amuses me with his youthful ways and Peter and I have walked through hell together. The bond we share with one another is not easily replicated because of our shared experiences over these past twenty-seven years. Even Flynn and I have a shared history and although the pain of the past has been lessened, it still has taken me this time (and will take longer still) for me to share a rapport with him. Even still, I acknowledge him as a vital part of this family.

And we have grown and expanded. We have extended members. Flynn’s Gabrielle, for one, has become a part. Charles, through Lydia, has that inevitability staring him in the eyes of meeting all of us. Zachary, both through Lydia and through his relationship with my child, Katerina, could be considered extended family. And Katerina goes without saying. As Lily and I arrived in Kilkenny, I took one look at this small cottage and had a sudden epiphany. I wanted my whole family there, but there wasn’t any way we would fit inside its cramped confines.

It took all of five minutes for talk of building a house here in Ireland to turn from whimsical to a reality. The phone calls Lily is making are for the intention of securing what we will need to begin preparations. She and I have both determined to make this a surprise to the family. We want to have it finished by Peter and Victor’s wedding anniversary, so we can offer it as a place of celebration. (An ambitious goal, I admit, but I like the thought too much to let it go.)

This has helped with my wistfulness for Lydia, because she is as much a thought in this as everyone else. I plan on breaking the surprise to her alone, so she can decorate her room as she desires. I wish I could tell Victor, or my brother, but I want too much to see their faces when they first arrive. Admittedly, it hasn’t stopped me from fantasizing of the first time I can lay Victor down on one of the beds, but those images, I will keep to myself. I hope it doesn’t take too long before I can see him again.

Absence is supposed to make the heart grow fonder. We will see how true this theory is, mó leannán and mó thaisce.

At the very least, thoughts of them and plans for the house have distracted me from concerns regarding our bloodlines. An outing of vampire kind seems to be an inevitability. Lydia has been assisting Allen and Matthew while in Philadelphia with any complications which might come from our bloodlines talking. The Supernatural Order haunts us everywhere we go, it seems. Nonetheless, I hope Lydia is finding herself as she wanted to, and I hope this is granting her a sense of accomplishment. I know all too well how important that is.

The future stands at our doorstep. I see it the same way I had several months ago. I have a feeling whatever lies ahead of us is going to shape us in ways we could have never imagined.

I can only hope the storms waiting for our family are minimal.

My Eternal Lily and Dearest Lydia,

How I wish this Valentine’s Day brought us all together again, instead of separated by miles and mired in doubt over what the future might hold for all of us. As of right now, I am still in Tokyo and while being with you, mo shíorghrá Lily, has me far happier than an Irishman could have imagined, I miss you terribly, a stóirín Lydia. I can only hope tonight finds you away from danger and that the days are hastening toward your return.

My loves, I am not always the best person when it comes to expressing how I feel about you both, but you have given me joy and purpose, have made me feel more alive than I’ve felt in decades. I hope you both realize what you mean to me.

Mo shíorghrá, I bought you this:

It is the Celtic trinity symbol, without a beginning or an end. While I might remember very clearly how our love for one another began, I promise you it will know no end.

A stóirín, I purchased this for you:

I miss you, Lydia, and look forward to giving it to you when The Fates permit for us to be together again.

You both have my heart and it follows you wherever you go, both near and far. I love you both very much.

Sláinte,
Michael (Robin)